Grocery Drama

On a recent visit to my parent’s home, I was running a few errands solo when I decided to stop by a discount grocery store for a few items. I was unfamiliar with this area of town and realized when I stepped into the grocery that it might not have been the best place to go alone. Undeterred, I started down the first aisle looking for spiral pasta. Two women walked into the store behind me, and one started to narrate rather loudly her shopping trip.

“Ooooh yeah, baby! I’m gonna get me some pork rinds, yeah and I’m gonna eat some pork rinds tonight, Uh-huh!!”

I did my best not to turn around and stare, and kept working through my short list while listening to the narration that continued behind me. The store is set up in a fashion that you can see across the aisles, giving everyone in the store a view of this annoyingly loud customer. As I turned the corner and started down the second aisle, I chanced a quick glance into the first aisle to get a look at this obnoxious woman who seemed determined we all know her opinions of each item in the store. No sooner had I turned my eyes back to my list when I heard a very loud, “I SAW YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE I WAS ALL GHETTO!”

I’m sure my eyes got as wide as dinner plates and it took everything within me to keep my laughter from exploding like a geyser. I saw a customer next to me look at me with disdain. I’m not one to usually pick a fight in the grocery store, or anywhere for that matter. In my half-second glance I had surmised that the loud narrating woman was about twice my size, but I figured I could outrun her. However, since I really needed the items on my list so I could make a salad for a party the next day, I decided to ignore the comment, keep my eyes forward, and find those yellow and red peppers as fast as I could.

Some people seek attention in the most unusual ways.

Million dollar moment #19

Recent Funny Moments

Million Dollar Moment #16

Little Miss just completed a week of Safety Town. Every evening for a week, kids entering kindergarten heard important messages from “safety heroes” in our town  – firemen, bus divers, policemen – and learned silly songs with memorable messages. At the end of the week, the parents came for a party and they sang us their songs and answered questions about what all they learned that week. Upon completion of the “Safety Town Celebration” Little Miss looked at me wide eyed and said, “That was the first time I sang on stage in front of people. I liked it. When can I do it again?” No doubting whose daughter she is.

#17

On the way home from Safety Town Celebration, we had a discussion on which Disney Princess was the most safety smart. We determined it was Cinderella. She had a mean stepmother, but she always did her work with a good attitude, and then she obeyed her fairy godmother and went straight home at midnight like she was instructed not even stopping for her slipper. We decided the least safety smart was Snow White because she let the stranger in the dwarves’s home. That was one of the most bizarre conversations I’ve ever had.

#18

One recent evening at the park, T-Rex kept asking me to do something for him over and over and over. I finally said, “I haven’t heard a please yet.” He looked at me and said, “Yeah, neither have I!”

Who moved my cooler?

Million Dollar (maybe Gazillion) Moment #15

My running partner Jen and I are training for the Detroit Marathon this October. This past weekend we reached a new milestone for us – 16 miles. It was a gorgeous early evening run and the best I have felt in a few months.

When we run that many miles, we’ve discovered that we need a drink about every 2 miles. We planned ahead and dropped coolers with drinks, banana slices, sports beans and power gel (a refueling substance) every 2 miles along our 6 mile loop. Our route was out in the country on dirt roads. We rarely rarely see cars on these roads, but we still stashed our coolers in the tall grasses so they weren’t visible from the road.

After we had finished the run, stretched and showered, we headed out in the car to go pick up our coolers. That’s when things got interesting. It was dark by this time, and we could not find our second cooler. We hunted and hunted and shone the headlights on the corner where we were sure we had left it. About the time we gave up and decided Jen would go back and look for it in the morning, the young Amish man from across the street came over and asked us if we were looking for a lunchbox. He then told us that the neighbors down the street had picked it up. They had seen it on the corner and saw that it was full of stuff and just couldn’t understand why it was there so they took it home. Jen explained to him that we were training for a marathon and need drinks every couple miles so we had left it there to use during our run. The conversation had a hilariuos loop to it because he just kept saying over and over that they didn’t understand why it was there. Finally, Jen got out of him which neighbor had picked it up, and thankfully she happened to know who they were.

The next morning she headed down to the neighbor’s house to get the cooler, and sure enough they had it. The lady said they saw it sitting there and that it looked like someone had put it there and not like it had fallen off a car and she had picked it up because it didn’t make any sense to her. Oh my. So Jen explained to her about our training for a marathon and asked her that if she saw anything like that again to please leave it because it would be ours. The lady smiled and said she would.

That same morning Jen was unloading the other coolers when she found a surprise in one of the larger ones. She opened it and on top was a note that read “Sorry I got your cooler greasy. I wanted to see what was in it and had been working on a tractor. Put some extra goodies in there for ya.”

Now if you found a cooler full of drinks, banana pieces, sports beans and sports gels, and if you decided to leave treats for the athletes in said cooler, what might you put in it? Cookies? More water? Or how about a package of pink peeps, a bottle of A-1 steak sauce, a packet of hot chocolate, a McCormicks Grill Mates Hawaiian Luau spice packet, and an onion? That is exactly what she found in our cooler. She called me, and I have been laughing all day long.

We’ve decided that we’d better start hiding our coolers better. We had no idea that her country neighbors would be so creatively nosy.

And in case you are worried about us, because I know some of you are – we always run in daylight, with a cell phone, and most of the time with pepper spray.

I have a picture of the cooler and its contents, but I can’t get it to upload. So sad!

Dreaming of Cheese

Million Dollar Moment #14

Of all the things that we look forward to as parents – first smile, first tooth, first steps, first words – there are so many things along the way that you never realize will be memorable milestones – like the first time they attach a real name to a toy, or the first time they tell you about a dream.

The other day, T-Rex told me about a dream he had while sleeping in the car. It’s the first time he’s ever re-told a dream to me, and it had me and Little Miss in stitches.

T-Rex: When I was in the car and sleeping, I was dreaming about a man, and every time he opened his mouth, cheese came out. It was like when a dragon breathes fire, but it was a man and he breathed cheese.

Little Miss: He was a cheese breathing dragon?

T-Rex: No, he was a man. He was a cheese breathing man.

And by this time, all three of us were cracking up. I knew he loved dragons. He apparently loves cheese too!

Drama bandage

#13 Million Dollar Moment

Little Miss tends to over exaggerate. I have no idea where she gets it from *cough* but I think she’ll be a great storyteller someday. In fact, we’re so used to her drama exaggeration that last summer we didn’t realize she had a fractured arm for a week because she made practically zero fuss. Bad mama.

This week while visiting my parents, she got a teeny tiny scratch that barely broke skin. This minor scratch caused major ruckus, I think mainly in an attempt to get her brother in trouble. Mom and I were fixing dinner. We inspected it, told her she was fine, it didn’t need a bandaid, it wasn’t even bleeding, and so on. When my Dad got home, we made him deal with it. So he took her upstairs, and she returned, rather proudly, with a bandage to fit the drama. It’s nice to see his paramedic skills put to good use. He was rather proud of himself.

Of course, then the bandage caused more drama because she couldn’t get it wet. But then Mom told her that meant she couldn’t go swimming, and the scratch was miraculously healed. That’s some serious medicine in that bandage!

Floating Farm

#12 Million Dollar Moment

My dad is a magician/juggler/clown. My father-in-law is a magician/juggler/storyteller. I can do ventriloquism. My husaband and I and all 3 of our brothers can juggle. His sister can do mime. We all (including the mothers) know how to properly manipulate a puppet and at least twist a balloon dog.

Therefore, it should not surprise you that my kids would request a floating farm of balloon animals in their swimming pool and that my mom would happily twist a pool full of balloons to oblige.

Road Trip

I made the 5 hour trip to my parents house this week with the kids. We pulled into the driveway a little earlier than my mom expected. She came outside and greeted us with, “Wow! You made good time!” It was at that point that I realized I had arrived at a new destination in my parenthood journey. The Roadtrip Without Stops. I had driven 5 hours with my 2 children (mostly) happy in the backseat. They fed and watered themselves from a lunchbox I had pre-packed. They snacked when they needed to. I only heard about a half dozen rounds of “HOW MUCH LONGER??” We made no potty stops, and I didn’t have to stop to change diapers/find pacifiers/spoonfeed/nurse/change outfits from blowouts or leaks. The car even cooperated and I made it on 1 tank of gas. It was amazing.

It seems it wasn’t that long ago that I would make the 1 hour trip to my Grandma’s in Florida with fear and trembling. I’d pack a bag for the day that would make you think we were staying a week. Then I’d strategically plan the trip so that the little ones would not be hungry and would be sleepy, but not so sleepy that they’d get so upset they couldn’t actually fall asleep. After adhering to a carefully masterminded plan to avoid screaming infants in the backseat that I could do nothing about whilst travelling at 70 mph, I’d turn around and head for home that afternoon hoping for the same. One infant would scream as soon as it got dark. Another infant would scream….just to scream.

So as I unloaded the car, and the kids unloaded their own stuff, that they had packed themselves, I smiled and thought. “Priceless,” and “I could definitely get used to this!”

#11 MDM

My cuddle bug

T-Rex has developed a habit over the past six months of climbing into my bed around 7 a.m. and then falling back asleep for a little while before he starts the “I want brefast” chant. I didn’t realize how important this new routine was to him until a couple weeks ago. I decided to be a “good” mom and get up and shower and be dressed before the kids woke up. I stepped out of the shower, and a very red-eyed, poochy-lipped T-Rex was at the door trying to hold his composure. “What’s the matter, buddy?” The floodgates opened as he cried, “I didn’t get to cuddle with yoooouuu!!!” Break. My. Heart. I scooped him up and reassured him that we could still cuddle for awhile. And so we snuggled until he was satisfied and started the “brefast” chant.

This morning, he climbed in as usual around 7 a.m. and fell right back to sleep, but he grabbed my arm and wrapped his little arms around it as if clinging for dear life, and snuggled his head into my shoulder. He was fast asleep, but everytime I shifted, he grabbed my arm tighter and buried his head deeper.

I know our mornings are going to be seriously rocked in six weeks when Little Miss starts kindergarten. So in the meantime, I’m soaking up every second of summer morning snuggles while I can.

#10 MDM

Song Prayers

Over the past year, the kids have started doing “song prayers” at bedtime. Little Miss loves to sing, and one evening she asked if she could sing her prayer. It was beautiful, spontaneous and heart-felt. T-Rex will occasionally join in as well. Unscripted singing seems to unleash their little souls of gratefulness with angelic musical adoration.

On a recent 45-minute drive home from my in-laws, Little Miss started singing a prayer. I clicked off the cd I had started playing to help me stay awake, and tuned my ears instead to the backseat, trying to remember as much of her verse as I could. Here’s some snippets:

We are singing praise to God, We are singing to Him.
Praise Him, All praise to Him.

We are His little sheep.
Let us run to Him and not away from Him.
We love Him so much and want to be with Him.

And even when we go far from home and miss our mothers and fathers and all sorts of grandmas and grandpas, He is always with us, telling us not to be afraid or sad.

And when bad things happen He is there with us, He never leaves us.
We want to praise Him, praise Him all the time.
We love Him so very very much and want to be with Him in Heaven, Amen.

The sun was sinking just below the treeline casting a fire orange glow across the fields. My soul sighed with deep contentment as the little amen left her lips. She asked me if it was good. I told her it was very good and so beautiful. In fact, I don’t think a whole host of angels could sing more beautifully or please Him more than the sincere outpouring of a child who wants nothing more than to love Him and be with Him forever. And as a parent – to get a glimpse into your child’s beautiful heart – that’s worth way more than a million dollars.

#9 MDM

Glo-Stick Grandpa

It’s been fun over the past 5 years to watch our parents turn into grandparents. I’ve gotten a kick out of my parents especially. There’s just something special about watching your own parents turn to mush with your kids and do things they never, ever would have done for you as a child. Two popsicles? Sure thing honey! A stuffed animal at the zoo? You betcha! A zoo umbrella, ok! Zoo sunglasses, yeah! (They go to the zoo a lot, mainly because they have passes to one of the coolest zoos in the U.S.) A little stuffed animal to remind you of our trip, of course!

My parents came to visit recently. It was their first visit in our new home. We were delighted to show them around our new town, which happened to be having its annual festival. The weekend concluded with fireworks. For a small town, we were rather impressed with the show – not to mention that we didn’t have to fight traffic, we weren’t crowded on the lawn, and it took us exactly 5 minutes to get to our car and drive home. None of the above would have been true in the big city we moved from.

We arrived with just enough time to claim our patch of grass and spread a sheet with a good view of the open sky. There were groups of people with sparklers, and a general spirit of celebration in the air. My Dad said he was going to go check something out. I watched him as he headed over towards a group of young people and I thought at first he was going to go inspect the riff-raff – maybe make sure they didn’t have something illegal that they were lighting up. But then I saw the very brightly glowing young man, and I knew that was where he was headed. Sure enough, Dad walked back with two glo-stick necklaces for the kids. I laughed. It did make it much easier to keep track of them on the walk back to the car.

It’s funny how something so little and simple makes such big memories. I get a fuzzy warm feeling every time I eat a red hot because my great-grandpa always had them at his house. I chuckle every time I see a scratch-off lotto ticket at the gas station because my Grandpa bought me one once and I won $5. Maybe in their 30’s, my kids will smile and think of my Dad every time they see a glo-stick necklace. You just never know what those Million Dollar Moments will be.

#8 MDM